59 years young

 In early August, my partner and I celebrated our 9th anniversary. And this month, we celebrated our birthdays one after another. I considered myself to be lucky as some of my friends are still single. I am blessed to have a partner whom have been with me for the past 9 years.

As one gets older, many things will change, things which I was very particular about, does not matter much nowadays. One no longer feels the need to get angry over mundane unimportant stuff. What used to be nuisance don't agitate me any more.Am I getting mellow? Perhaps.

During my recent birthday, I find it a chore replying to phone and social media messages; which was flooded with well wishing messages. But still glad that friends never fails to wish me well. I really enjoyed the quite time with my partner watching TV together or just dinner on our beds, or lunch / dinner outside by ourselves or with friends. And due to the COVID situation; one moment it's 2 pax, one moment it's 5 pax, then back to 2 pax. So dining out can be a hassle, besides being dangerous, as one might get infected.

I no longer prefer to join in big groups but prefers the companies of good friends, catching up with them taking lunch or dinner and enjoying each other's company. 

I enjoyed hearing the sound of  my partner sleeping / snoring / breathing loudly next to me. My partner is working hard everyday and he loves what he is doing. Something he will share his joy or unhappiness at work and I will just listen and give him some of my views. That's how we communicate. He is also going through some tough challenges as his mom is fighting her final stage of cancer. And the only thing he can do is to get mentally prepared beside getting things ready for her after her passing. 

My mom passed away due to cancer, 3 years ago and on the day of her passing, was the day I had to fly overseas for work. I did get to say my brief goodbye before rushing off to the airport but did not have the grieving send off. When I came back 1 month later, things had gone back to norm and my family members had began to cope with the lost of my mom. As for me, there was this blank in my memories of her passing and she no longer appear in my parent's house when I visit. Yet, I did not regret the decision of not staying back for her funeral as it was necessary for me to leave for work with I had committed. Still, somehow, I can only accept that that's how life had been per-arranged by fate.Such is life.

I am so looking forward to my 60th birthday next year but I know that it will be filled with lots of challenges because of the recent rise in COVID cases. We will never know if next year will be a good or bad year but just count the blessings and takes things in stride and manage the challenges as it comes. 

Stay safe!

 

The difference stages of my gay life.

20s - Exploring and struggling within myself about my gayness. Evasive and secretive about letting people know about my gayness. use different names on chat groups, etc.  Sex wise, still exploring and curious.

30s - Accepted myself as a gay man and started exploring how to make my sex partner enjoy themselves. Very abrasive and direct with my wants and needs, restless and angry. Sexually active and Into NSA fun and no intention to settle down. Relationship wasn't really in my mind although it was good to have. Met my 1st bf and realised that married man like him sucks. Decided to stay single.

40s - Peak form and had master the art of sex and sexually active and garnered a certain level or expertise on bed and many repeat bottoms coming back for more. Had a few relationship and started to be jaded after having too many dramas. Mellowed somewhat.  Started to really considered settling down with the right partner.

50s - Found my partner and decided to settle down and work on the relationship. Stop visiting clubs and mixing more with our str8 friends and keeping a few close gay friends for occasional outings and makan. Been together for 8 going on 9th years.  Life is good and we did many things together even thought we are many years apart in our age.  Lots of give and take and compromises and sacrifices to make if you want to see things work.

So yes, as we get older we do mellow down and focus on what we really want in life.

I would like to add that, we should live our life to the fullest and enjoy life as it come. No point regretting later that we never did what we wanted, because once its past, it's gone. Enjoy your process.