Chinese New Year to me is a non-event. To me, CNY is just like any other holidays except longer. For the last few years, I just can't find the mood to celebrate it. Does it have anything to do with my granny's passing about 4 yrs ago? I don't know? Somehow, I just can't find back the spirit. It was worst; the years following her passing. Whenever I goes back to my parents' place, I will feel guilty and I dreaded that kind of feeling. Don't ask me why I feel guilty, I just do. Could it be because my sub-consciou telling me that I have not been a good grandson/son? I don't know.
Every year during CNY eve, all my sibilings, nephews & nices will gather at my parent's place for reunion dinner. It is a yearly event. My parents will cooked lots for food for the reunion. Mom will be pushing herself to prepare food for everybody. Dad will help out somewhat but mom won't get to rest till the 4th day of CNY.
Before the end of dinner, I would have developed a headache. My head would throb gradualy until it is unbearable. It has been so for the past few years. By then, I would have wanted the dinner to end and I quickly get back home to recover or I will have to swallow pain killers and hope that the pain goes away soon. Luckily, this year it wasn't that bad. The pain was very mild and I don't have to take any pain killers.
First day of CNY is as per the past many years. My sworn bro will bring his wife and kid for lunch and later I would go visiting my 2 uncles; one on dad's side and one on mom's side, with my bros and sis and their family. As usual, I would have collected all the ang pow from all my relatives; my parents, my bro, my 3 uncles and my aunt. It has been our tradition since I was a kid and had never change. Every year for the past many years since we were kids till we are grown ups, it has always been so. Anyway, it is also the only time I get to see my uncles and aunts. This year is no exception. It is a yearly routine.
CNY holidays came and went. Tomorrow is the 3rd day of CNY and it is also granny's death anniversay. As usual, we will be visiting the temple where my grandparent and uncles' ashes are kept. My parents had also bought and reserved "a place" at the temple for themselves when their time comes.
I wonder should I also reserve myself a place at the temple or should I just tell them to scattered my ashes in the sea when my time comes? Anyway, I don't think I want to think much about that at the moment. Life goes on even when your love one has pass on and the only thing that are left behind are just memories or photographs of them frozen in time.
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