59 years young

 In early August, my partner and I celebrated our 9th anniversary. And this month, we celebrated our birthdays one after another. I considered myself to be lucky as some of my friends are still single. I am blessed to have a partner whom have been with me for the past 9 years.

As one gets older, many things will change, things which I was very particular about, does not matter much nowadays. One no longer feels the need to get angry over mundane unimportant stuff. What used to be nuisance don't agitate me any more.Am I getting mellow? Perhaps.

During my recent birthday, I find it a chore replying to phone and social media messages; which was flooded with well wishing messages. But still glad that friends never fails to wish me well. I really enjoyed the quite time with my partner watching TV together or just dinner on our beds, or lunch / dinner outside by ourselves or with friends. And due to the COVID situation; one moment it's 2 pax, one moment it's 5 pax, then back to 2 pax. So dining out can be a hassle, besides being dangerous, as one might get infected.

I no longer prefer to join in big groups but prefers the companies of good friends, catching up with them taking lunch or dinner and enjoying each other's company. 

I enjoyed hearing the sound of  my partner sleeping / snoring / breathing loudly next to me. My partner is working hard everyday and he loves what he is doing. Something he will share his joy or unhappiness at work and I will just listen and give him some of my views. That's how we communicate. He is also going through some tough challenges as his mom is fighting her final stage of cancer. And the only thing he can do is to get mentally prepared beside getting things ready for her after her passing. 

My mom passed away due to cancer, 3 years ago and on the day of her passing, was the day I had to fly overseas for work. I did get to say my brief goodbye before rushing off to the airport but did not have the grieving send off. When I came back 1 month later, things had gone back to norm and my family members had began to cope with the lost of my mom. As for me, there was this blank in my memories of her passing and she no longer appear in my parent's house when I visit. Yet, I did not regret the decision of not staying back for her funeral as it was necessary for me to leave for work with I had committed. Still, somehow, I can only accept that that's how life had been per-arranged by fate.Such is life.

I am so looking forward to my 60th birthday next year but I know that it will be filled with lots of challenges because of the recent rise in COVID cases. We will never know if next year will be a good or bad year but just count the blessings and takes things in stride and manage the challenges as it comes. 

Stay safe!

 

The difference stages of my gay life.

20s - Exploring and struggling within myself about my gayness. Evasive and secretive about letting people know about my gayness. use different names on chat groups, etc.  Sex wise, still exploring and curious.

30s - Accepted myself as a gay man and started exploring how to make my sex partner enjoy themselves. Very abrasive and direct with my wants and needs, restless and angry. Sexually active and Into NSA fun and no intention to settle down. Relationship wasn't really in my mind although it was good to have. Met my 1st bf and realised that married man like him sucks. Decided to stay single.

40s - Peak form and had master the art of sex and sexually active and garnered a certain level or expertise on bed and many repeat bottoms coming back for more. Had a few relationship and started to be jaded after having too many dramas. Mellowed somewhat.  Started to really considered settling down with the right partner.

50s - Found my partner and decided to settle down and work on the relationship. Stop visiting clubs and mixing more with our str8 friends and keeping a few close gay friends for occasional outings and makan. Been together for 8 going on 9th years.  Life is good and we did many things together even thought we are many years apart in our age.  Lots of give and take and compromises and sacrifices to make if you want to see things work.

So yes, as we get older we do mellow down and focus on what we really want in life.

I would like to add that, we should live our life to the fullest and enjoy life as it come. No point regretting later that we never did what we wanted, because once its past, it's gone. Enjoy your process.

Year of 2020 - A year of great change and danger!

How time flies, we have been together for the last 8 years since April 2012. We brave through times when I was off for work for months oversea and the current COVID-19 together.  

Life is as per normal as he goes to work and come back home after work and we have out dinner together, either he cooks or we go out for dinner. 

Hope the situation will get better and that COVID-19 will be a gone soon. 

For those reading, Stay healthy and stay safe. 

Is age a problem in a relationship?

Someone text me to tell me that he is dating someone 15years older than him and asked me if age is a problem?

For someone who had been with many guys whom are younger than me. I don't see it as much of a problem. Love is love, you love someone for who they are, it just so happens that their age is younger or older than you. The love you have between each other is not going to diminish or increase just because he is older or younger than you are.

Having said that, the next thing is how compatible are both of you? Do you click with each other? Do you have common interest? Do you talk it out if you have disagreements?

My young bf is 26year younger than me and we have been together for the past 6 to 7 years and still going strong.

In the beginning, my younger bf were conscientious when introducing friends around his age to me. He is worried of what others might say or ask. That I can understand, so sometimes I will join him with his friends and sometimes I don't, just so that I don't make it difficult for him. But over the few years we have been together, his friends starts to get use to seeing me around. He eventually came out to his very close friends about our relationship and his straight friends though surprised but accepted him for who he is.

Sometimes, young people are very conscious about their image and social standings. For me, I don't bother with how others view me. I live the life I want and I don't owe anyone a living and neither do they, so I am not at all bothered by how people sees me, as I don't live my life on other's expectations. I hope that young people understand this too. Don't live your life on what others expect of you. Live your life how you want as long as you don't hurt or harm people. Always choose to live a happy life.

So, is age a problem in a relationship? I can only says that, if you think it's a problem then you have a problem, but if you don't think it's a problem then it's hardly a problem. It's between you and the person you love, whatever problem you might have, I am sure you will find a solution for it.

Gay Relationships

It's 2016. Our relationship is coming to 4 years. My good friend in Taiwan is celebrating his 11th years with his bf. It's rare for gay couples to have relationship that long but it does happen.

For my friend who is in his 11th years, I must say, the Taiwanese are the most open minded in thinking than many Singaporeans, including myself. I met my Taiwanese friends in Bangkok back in 2000 while I was working there and he was there nursing a heartache as he had just broken off a 4 year relationship.

We did not meet again until 2003 when I went Bangkok with my then ex. We met by chance while I was going up to take the train at Saladang, while he was walking down. My ex noticed that he was staring at me and told me and I took a glance and thought he looked familiar but can't recall his name. I searched my phone and called him and he answered that he is now in Bangkok and we just pass each other. I invited him to join us and we enjoyed our little get away holiday.

Our friendship bonded during that trip and we became close friends after that. I would visit him in Taipei the next year with my ex and he introduced his then new boy friend to us. Back in 2004, he was only dating this guy and he had said they would try out the relationship and now, fast forward today, they are celebrating their 11th Anniversary.

My Taiwanese friend had, during his 11 year relationship been in 2 multiple partners relationship. One was with another couple about 4 years ago. Although that relationship lasted about a year plus. they are still friends. They broke off because one of the other couple was a tad too childish and selfish.

The last time I met my Taiwanese friend was a few months ago and also in Bangkok with my current bf and he brought along another guy whom had agreed to be the 3rd person in his current relationship with the agreement from my friend's boyfriend. We had a great time together enjoying good food, massages, and shopping.

We can tell that the new bf really love my friend from all the little action he did and I am really happy for my friend to find someone like him. My friend is not a hunk but he is certainly the most intelligent, charming and talented person one can have as a friend. I am always amaze by the fact that he is able to manage a relationship with multiple partners and that he is able to talk and make sense whenever there is any dispute or argument and he is the best person I would go to to get answers for relationship issues.

Its really not easy to be in a relationship for gay couple, and its even harder to have a relationship that can last more than 11 year. The difficulty level multiplies when you have a 3 or 4 person relationship. It's not impossible but possible and my Taiwanese friend is proof that it is possible. Kudos to him.

As for me, I am very happy to be with my current bf of about 4 years although we might have a 26 year age gap. So, basically, nothing is really impossible for a relationship to work, its just whether you want to make it work or not.

It's 2015 and how time flies.

Have not been posting as I have been busy with work over the past few years, though not terribly busy, but busy none the less.

New Year, Chinese New Year came and went and its Chap Goh Meh (15th and last day of  the Chinese New Year).  To me Chinese New Year is the same every year, I am not a very festive person so I usually don't organise anything in my house. But I was invited to attend a few parties to celebrate the Chinese New Year.

Well, 2014 was a good year where I get to travel and does some great work overseas. It had never dawned upon me that my work would take me overseas. But by some stroke of luck, I was asked to work oversea twice. So 2014 was actually a great year for me with lots of opportunities and work. Thus it is something to be thankful for.

What was good had also it's bad. My health was slightly affected last year after being lazy and inactive.  My 2 oversea work trip although was good opportunity but it came with a price; A sprain back and some breathing problem, luckily it was very minor and I recovered from it, fortunately, since I had purchase travel insurance, I was able to claim for both the medical treatments.

Last year was also a year where I traveled to Bangkok, Hong Kong for holidays with my boy. Come April and it would be our third year together. How time really flies.  Everything with us is rather routine and we each busy with our own work but the best part of it was that he has been staying with me for the past 1 year plus.

I am getting use to him sleeping next to me and hearing him breath and sometimes snores. So when I travel or when he is not around, I sort of not use to sleeping alone without him next to me.

Life is such, when you are so used to being alone, you need to get use to people sleeping next to you, but if you are attached for some time, you may not get use to not having someone sleeping next you.

I can still hear his breathing next to me as I am typing. :)

Cherish what you have, when you have.

Good nite.

Someone Whom You've Not Met Is In Love With You For 7 Years

I'm stumped by the fact that a Taiwanese guy whom I've not met in person is in love with me for 7 years. I found that out only today after linking up with him just yesterday after a few years absent. He had sent me a message and I added him to my social network app.

Years ago, he had sent me a message on my other social network app online and we chatted briefly on MSN, he was 19 then and I thought he was a tad too young. Nonetheless, we maintained an on and off chat and I shared with him advises and listened to him on his problems. It didn't take long for him to profess his love for me, which I kindly turned down. The reason I told him that we are too far apart and that he is still young and should concentrate on his studies. I also consciously decided to avoid him and cut down our conversation as I realised that he is serious about his love for me. Eventually, we did not chat online and things dwindled down.

Little that I know that after so many years, he still feels the same for me. I thought he would had found someone else and move on, but no. I told him the same reasons I told him years ago and that I'll feel bad if he had wasted all this time waiting for something that may not happened, but he is adamant. Nothing I can say can't change his mind.

He even told me that he had not had sex with anyone and that he was waiting for me and looking forward to meet me in the future. I was skeptical and asked him how he deals with his urges and he says for the past years, he used the pics I gave him to Jo. (OMG, unbelievable)

I asked him how he would feels if someone had said the same things he said to me, to him? I told him that I felt pressurised from what he said and also that the thought that someone had love me for 7 years without even meeting is :
1. Very Romantic
2. Very Creepy

Anyway, I am taking everything with a pinch of salt and see how things progresses. He is a nice kid and I had spoken with him over the phone and he comes across as genuine as he can be and I still the same vibes I get from him after all these years. 

To an extreme, I even told him that I am not the boyfriend material as I am too much of a playboy and his answer to me is that he don't mind who I am and only want me to allow him to love me. (His msg :"我不管你多不專一, 我只要你讓我愛你就好")

Still the thought that such devotion for a skeptical person like me stumped me. I am never a person who are at a lost for words but I sure am now. So in the mean time, I just take it in and smile. 


Posted 24 April 2012 - 06:42 PM on BW  http://www.blowingwind.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=31629

The Life Of A Kept Boy @ 22

Life as a kept boy is never all rosy and nice. I was a kept boy at age 22. He was a successful boss with glamorous lifestyle, double my age. I met him while working in town and his company was next to my ex company. To my family, he was my godfather. I was young, confused about my sexuality and his lifestyle was glamorous and exciting. I wasn't in the gay circle until I met him. I stayed at his place and we are seen everywhere together and he pays for everything whenever we are out. Sex was great, he was the older bottom and I the younger top. It was him and only him that I did the "helicopter".

It was about a year into our "relationship" that I got a call from one of his fuck buddy; It was another young guy. It was then that I realised that he had been doing things behind my back. That guy on the phone even ask me if I want to have sex with him, which I refused. I was young, naive and I just knew that he was very nice to me and I didn't even thought that I was in a "relationship" with him, because we never talked about such thing. I was with him because he was nice to me. I thought I was bi then, Sounds familiar rite?

Things when downhill from thereon and I realised that he became a different person whenever he was drunk. One of the evening, during one of our verbal fights and his drunken stupor, he smashed my head with a glass ashtray and I fainted. It was then I realised that I can't be with such a person. I ran out of the house and he chased after me. The neighbours called the police and because of not to caused any problem, I followed him back. I was really traumatised and was fearful of my life because I was not in control of my own life. I finally found an excuse to move back with my parent by saying I was going for further studies.

He called me up to talk and I told him to meet me in a crowded place to prevent him from getting violent. During our talk, he threaten to out me to my parents. At that moment, I can only tell him that I've told my parents that he is gay and that he had abused me. He was shocked and surprised that I had told my parents and I told him that if he were to come to my place to find trouble with me, we will call the police. Of course, I lied. After that incident, I dropped out of the scene and avoided any places that he might go.

So, for those who thinks that life as a kept boy is all fun and roses, I would tell you from personal experience that it's not. It was good while it lasted but you have no control of your life and actions. You lose your self dignity and people will still remember you were someone's kept boy even after many years had passed.

I've never told anyone about this pass of mine and I struggled whether to post this in BW, but I thought I should share my past in the hope that those young and naive guys don't follow my footstep and end up somewhere you don't want to.

You have many choices to choose and you decide the life you live. So, be wise and grounded but most importantly be true to yourself and be happy. 

Posted 30 April 2012 - 04:54 PM on BW  http://www.blowingwind.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=31753&p=408987

Life At 51

I recently celebrated my 51st birthday and I chose not to have a big celebration, just a simple dinner with my boy, (we just celebrated our 1st year together) and 2 of my close friends.

What does a 51yo uncle need? Nothing. I don't need anything more because I already have everything.  Not kidding, I already have it all. 

I may not be the riches person to be able to buy everything, but I am enrich with experiences and there is nothing else in the world I would need because I am already happy and contented with what I already have. 

I have a comfortable home,
I have good job,
I have good friends,
I have love from my family
I have love from my boyfriend
I have good health, so far so good, nothing major issues.


Contentment is the key to happiness.

Mottos I Live By

A young guy wrote to me after reading my blog. He asked me "How has gay life been for me and what advice can I give to a 25yo boy like him?"

Here is my reply to him.

=======================================================

Everyone will have a path that will be different, regardless str8 or gay.

Here are some food for thoughts :-

1. Live A Life of No Regrets - I know it's not easy when you are faced with many choices, but a life with no regrets is when you live it for yourself and not for others and not based on what others say.

Whatever choices we make in life there will be consequences. The good consequences will enrich us and help us grow, the bad consequences may destroy us and also hurt others. Choose your choices wisely. Don't do things that you may regret for the rest of your life.

2. Do Good Deeds - Do good and help people when you can because the person you helped might return your help when you need it the most one day. But not do good and expect something out of it. Just do good without expectations and without wanting any returns and not because u hv to but because you want to.

3. Open Your Mind - We sometimes have a certain way of doing things and sometimes we do not want change to come and upset our comfortable life.  Do try to open your mind to new things and new ideas, etc. Only when we free our mind will we be able to experience new things and grow from the experiences.

4. Open Your Heart - Be real and genuine to people around you, treat people with respect and don't take people for granted. When you open up your heart to people, those who can see your good qualities and don't mind your bad qualities are those people you can call them friends. Even when you have been played out by your so-called friends, dun be mad at them, because it is their loss not your loss.

5. Protect yourself - Do no harm to others, but you must also learn to protect yourself. Be it emotionally or physically. Learn from your failures as it will help you to be stronger. Protect yourself implies that you must know when to put up your guard and when to let it down and these are things which will come from good and bad experiences learned.

6. Look Inwards - Happy or sad it's just a state of mind. No one other than yourself can get yourself out of feeling down or bad. All it takes is for you to change your mindset. You will succeed in affecting change only when you want it bad enough.

7. Think Positively - Not everyday can be a happy day. So when things gets you down, don't take it out on others or on yourself. Let it go. Because tomorrow will be another day. Yesterday has gone. Your positivity will attract positive things.

8. Manage Your Expectations - When you do something, always manage your expectations. If good things happen, its because of the effort you put in. Even if good things didn't happen, it's ok too. Just do better next time. The bigger the expectation, the greater the disappointment. Sometimes, its not the end result but the process that helps you to grow.

9. Manage your Emotions - We all have feelings, things which happened can affect us, but if you look at it from different perspectives, you will be surprised how it can help you see things in a different light and maybe even understand things better.

10. Learn from Experience - The more things we experience, the better we are when we do it the next time round and the wiser we will become with each experience learned.

11. Embrace Challenges - Don't run away from it or avoid it, embrace it. Sometimes, these challenges are there so that we can learn about our strengths and weaknesses. Once we have overcome the challenges, we can conquer our weaknesses. Even if we fail, it means we need to look at our weaknesses and put in more effort to be better next time round.

12. What Defines You - You are defined by who you are as a person and not by material things or your physical outlook.  People like you because of your personality, character and all those internal traits, not your physical appearance nor your financial status. But that does not mean you neglect your external appearance, although they are of secondary importance.

13. Treat Yourself Well - Treat others good but also treat yourself better. I am not asking you to be selfish or self centered.  What I am saying is don't be too hard on yourself when we fail sometimes, because failure is part and parcel of life. You owe it to yourself to treat yourself better and pick yourself up when you are down and move on from the failure.

14. Be Thankful and Count Your Blessing - Life has lots of ups and downs, there will be people who will cross paths which will change your life and or unpleasant things happened, but it helped you to grow to be a better person or affect you enough to be stronger and wiser. Always be thankful to those who helped you grow and always count your blessings that you are safe and healthy.